I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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