I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize