Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
