thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
