If i come over, it means nothing
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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