i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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