was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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