i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
