We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
