Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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