and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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