i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
