I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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