I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize