I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
