I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
