I'll bet she douches with gravy.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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