what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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