Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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