shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
