I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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