please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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