Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
