Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
