Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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