I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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