I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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