How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I did not marry a roomba.
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