Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
