he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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