What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
