i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
