69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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