i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
