At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
