the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
