why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
