Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
