I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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