If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
