Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
