you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
