Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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