Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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