so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
