She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize