So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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