I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Found the puke drawer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize