Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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