fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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