Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
