What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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