Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How does one acquire holy water?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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