Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you had me at cake vodka
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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