Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize