I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize