I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
