I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My feet surprised me
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