That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
