Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
