this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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