you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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