I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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