just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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