apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
