Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize