and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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