Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
