i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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