I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
