You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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