Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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