Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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