he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
