So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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