Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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