Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
