There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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