ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
