hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
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