You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
