exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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