i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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