I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
