I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
