Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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