He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
