You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
