Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
