just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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