Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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