So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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