Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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